Dear Younger Me: Don’t Date That Guy, Eat the Damn Cookie, and Other Mental Health Tips You’ll Ignore Anyway

If I could offer you only one piece of advice for the future, it would be: wear sunscreen. But since Baz Luhrmann and Mary Schmich already nailed that one - and because you’d probably ignore it anyway - I’ve got a few more suggestions. A few thousand, in fact.

Let’s be real: most advice to our younger selves falls somewhere between “adorably optimistic” and “girl, RUN.” If you specialize in trauma and eating disorders like I do, your hindsight comes with a hint of gallows humor, a few hundred hours of supervision, and enough compassion to wrap around your past self like a soft, judgment-free Snuggie.

I saw a movie recently, called My Old Ass in which an 18 year old finds herself face to face with her 39 year old self. The movie was thought provoking and funny, and also had great PNW vibes (which I always appreciate), but it also had a point. A sneaky one, but…well, sometimes our older selves are smart, and sometimes they want to avoid suffering that makes us who we are. But as far as these recommendations go, I think we’re pretty safe - all of these would still apply to the characters in the movie and benefit them both.. Especially the sunscreen one.  

So let’s take a walk down memory lane - but with better shoes, a therapist’s insight, and a strong cup of whatever you like  (today I would like a London Fog, thanks).

You Are Not a Problem to Be Solved

You’re a person. Not a project. Not a walking Pinterest board of body goals, productivity hacks, or mental health affirmations cross-stitched on a pillow.

It’s going to take you a while to figure that out. Because diet culture will whisper (then scream) that shrinking your body equals expanding your worth. Productivity culture will tell you rest is lazy. Trauma will murmur that if you were just better, they would’ve stayed / not hit you / seen you.

But here’s the truth: your value is not conditional. Not on your GPA, your BMI, your relationship status, or your ability to be “the chill girl.” You do not have to be palatable to be worthy.

“You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anybody.”  - Maya Angelou

Eat the Damn Cookie

And the sandwich. And the second serving. And stop believing that hunger is a test of strength. It’s not.

You’re not failing when your body needs food. You’re succeeding at being a human.

You’ll spend too many years thinking disordered eating is willpower when it’s really a neon sign flashing help me feel in control. Spoiler: it won’t work long-term. Eventually, you’ll realize food isn’t the enemy - shame is.

Also, one day you’ll eat cheese again and cry because you forgot how much joy lives in melted dairy. That moment? Pure magic.

Therapy Is Not for "Broken" People

It's for people with courage.

You won’t always feel brave, especially when the past comes up in flashbacks or your inner critic is louder than a toddler with a xylophone. But going to therapy doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you care enough to want better for yourself. Even as a therapist, I wish I had learned this one a lot sooner, so pass it on. 

Let people help you. Accepting support is not a character flaw. It’s literally how humans have survived for centuries. (Also: fire. But mostly, connection.)

“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it.”  - Brené Brown

Feeling Things Won’t Kill You (Though It Might Feel Like It)

I know, I know. Emotions are terrifying. They sneak in like raccoons through a dog door - messy, chaotic, and likely to make you cry in public.

But feelings aren’t facts, and they aren’t forever.

Avoiding pain doesn’t make it disappear. It just buries it like radioactive waste under your ribcage. One day, that grief you shoved down with sarcastic comments and caffeine? It’s going to detonate during a Subaru commercial. Let it. The crying, not the car crash metaphor.

Being alive means feeling things. All of them. Even the ugly, inconvenient, mascara-streaked ones.

“The emotion that can break your heart is sometimes the very one that heals it.”  - Nicholas Sparks

No, You Don't Have to Forgive Everyone

Especially not the people who taught you to hate your body, dismiss your boundaries, or confuse chaos with love.

You can heal without reconciling. You can move on without saying “it’s okay.” Because sometimes, it’s not. And that doesn’t make you bitter. It makes you honest.

What you do need to do is forgive yourself. For surviving the only way you knew how. For the times you stayed too long. For every self-abandonment that kept you safe in the short term.

Affirmation: “I forgive myself for not knowing what I didn’t know before I learned it.”

See Also: Radical Acceptance: What does SCAM stand for?

Choose People Who Choose You (And That Includes You)

There will be friends, lovers, jobs, and situationships (shudder) that make you feel like you're too much and not enough - at the same time.

But guess what? You’re allowed to be complex. You’re allowed to take up space. You’re allowed to want someone who doesn’t flinch when you speak your truth.

That includes you. Be someone who doesn’t flinch when you look in the mirror and say, “I want more.”

You’re Going to Make It

Not because it’ll get easier, necessarily. (Adulting is just budgeting, back pain, and wondering what your therapist thinks about your therapist jokes.)

But because you’ll get stronger, softer, wiser. You’ll learn to rest. To say no. To scream into a pillow, take your meds, text your therapist, and then make a snack.

You’ll learn that healing is not a straight line. It’s a spiral staircase. Some days you’ll go up. Some days you’ll sit on a step and cry. Both are valid.

You’re going to make it.

Affirmation: “I am healing. Even on the days I feel broken.”

Resources, Stats, and Sunscreen (Seriously)

• Everybody’s Free to Wear Sunscreen – Lyrics & Advice
• NEDA: Eating Disorders Statistics & Research
• National Center for PTSD
• APA: How Trauma Affects Health
• Verywell Mind – Psychological Safety
• Self-Compassion Exercises (Dr. Kristin Neff)
• Mindful Self-Compassion & Trauma Recovery
• CDC Mental Health Data
• My favorite sunscreen
  
  

So, younger me, if you're reading this (somewhere in the ether, probably still listening to early 2000s emo and overthinking that text) - know this:

You don’t have to be perfect. Just real.

You’re allowed to be a work in progress and still lovable.

And yes, wear sunscreen. But also? Eat the cookie.