Self-Care vs. Coping Skills Explained

Coping Skills vs. Self-Care: What’s the Difference and Why You Should Care

You’re running on caffeine fumes, teetering on the edge of burnout, and pretty sure you might explode if one more person asks you to do just one more thing. Sounds like a Tuesday, right?

If you’re anything like the women I work with, you’re probably juggling approximately a million responsibilities, most of which seem designed to suck the life right out of you. And that’s on a good day. When things get worse, when deadlines pile up, relationships get complicated, or your own brain feels like it’s actively trying to sabotage you, your usual tools might feel completely useless.

But here’s the thing: Self-care and coping skills are different, and you need both. They aren’t interchangeable. They aren’t magical cure-alls. But when you understand the difference and know when to use each, you can handle even the worst days with a little more grace. Or at least without snapping at the next person who suggests you "just relax."

Self-Care vs. Coping Skills: What’s the Difference?

Self-care is your maintenance plan. It’s not the stuff you do just when things are falling apart. It’s the daily practices that keep you steady, grounded, and able to find joy even when life feels like an endless marathon of “How many things can you handle before you snap?”

🌿 Affirmation: “I deserve to rest, to restore, and to rebuild.”

💡 Little-Known Strategy: The 10-Minute Reset. Block off 10 minutes of your day - every day - to do something that nourishes you. It doesn’t have to be profound. Reading a chapter of a book. Sitting outside with your coffee. Closing your eyes and breathing without guilt. Tiny, consistent moments of self-care make you stronger over time.

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”  -  Buddha

Coping skills? They’re your emergency repair kit. The tools you reach for when life throws a cement truck through your front door. They’re reactive, designed to get you through the moment without completely losing it.

🌿 Affirmation: “It’s okay to struggle. It’s okay to need a lifeline.”

💡 Little-Known Strategy: The Emotional Body Double. Pick an object - something small you can hold. Whenever you feel overwhelmed, focus all your emotions into that object. Imagine it holding your stress for you. When you feel ready, set it down. It’s a way to give yourself permission to release what’s too heavy to carry.

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”  -  Maya Angelou

Why Self-Care and Coping Skills Work Better Together

Think of self-care and coping skills like building a house. Self-care is the solid foundation - the bricks and beams that give you structure, stability, and resilience. Coping skills are the emergency fixes - the hammer and nails you grab when a sudden storm knocks something loose.

If you only focus on coping skills, you’re just patching leaks and never repairing the roof. If you only focus on self-care, you might have a beautiful house that collapses the first time a storm hits. You need both. Self-care makes your structure strong; coping skills help you handle the inevitable cracks and gusts of chaos.

🌿 Affirmation: “I can rebuild. I can repair. I am not broken.”

When they work together, you’re not just surviving the storm - you’re building something that lasts.

“Do not judge me by my success, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.”  -  Nelson Mandela

Relatable Examples for the Overwhelmed Procrastinating Perfectionist

💼 Self-Care Example: You’re knee-deep in client work, behind on emails, and still haven’t done the laundry. Instead of pushing through on fumes, you take 20 minutes to do something just for you - watch a funny YouTube video, take a short walk, call a friend. It feels like you’re wasting time, but it’s actually refilling your energy tank.

💼 Coping Skill Example: Midway through a meeting, someone makes a dismissive comment that hits a sore spot. Instead of spiraling, you use square breathing - inhale for four, hold for four, exhale for four, hold for four. It’s not a magic fix, but it keeps you from snapping or shutting down.

💼 Self-Care Example: Blocking off your schedule for a personal “CEO Day.” This is a day when you’re the priority - no clients, no family obligations. Just time to brainstorm, plan, or even just exist without expectations.

💼 Coping Skill Example: When work gets overwhelming, you keep a “Rescue Playlist” of songs that make you feel powerful, relaxed, or just plain happy. You pop in your headphones and listen, even if just for a few minutes.

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.”  -  Albert Einstein

Practical, Real-Life Coping Skills

• Grounding Techniques: The 5-4-3-2-1 method. Quick, simple, and shockingly effective when your brain won’t shut up.
• Radical Acceptance (DBT Skill): Accepting reality as it is, even if you hate it. It’s not about liking it. It’s about acknowledging that fighting reality only makes you suffer more.
• Breathing Exercises: Square breathing. The breathing equivalent of pressing CTRL+ALT+DELETE on your brain.
• Humor as Deflection: Pretend you’re in a sitcom. Add a laugh track. Picture yourself as the sarcastic anti-hero just trying to make it through the day. It helps.
• Journaling (or Scribbling Rage): Just write. It doesn’t have to be pretty. It doesn’t have to make sense. Sometimes your brain just needs to spit it all out.

🌿 Affirmation: “Even on hard days, I am worthy of kindness.”

Questions to Help You Decide What You Need Right Now

• Am I feeling drained or overwhelmed? (If yes, self-care is probably the answer.)
• Is this situation temporary, or do I need a quick intervention to get through it? (If it’s temporary, coping skills are your friend.)
• What’s the smallest thing I can do right now to feel a little more okay? (Spoiler: That’s usually a coping skill.)
• What would be the most compassionate choice I could make for myself right now?

Self-care and coping skills aren’t magic fixes. They’re tools. And the best way to use them is to know which one you need, when you need it. And if you’re not sure? That’s okay, too. Trying counts. Practicing counts. And letting yourself be human absolutely counts.

Want More? Resources & Links

Here’s a handful of favorites if you want to dig deeper:

• Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Dr. Kristin Neff
• Mindfulness 101 - July 2022 
• Breathing exercises like square breathing 
• Ten Percent Happier Podcast
• Verywell Mind’s Grounding Techniques for Anxiety
• Making a Realistic Self Care Plan - April 2024
• Self-Care for Humans, Not Algorithms
• Reclaiming Self-Care: Finding Balance Amidst Toxic Culture